lolzies – Foyin Og Online

alternatively titled ‘who needs pretense: you already know i am a loser’

i was thinking the other day about my blog – a blogsistential crisis, if you will – mostly revolving around the phrase, ‘what can i do to it? how can i make it more genuine?’ and moreover, ‘what do i post??’ and although those questions seem to be spiraling in my head on a never ending cycle, i thought it best to practice my favourite song’s (and by favourite, i mean, i have literally been playing this song on repeat for three days straight) lyrics: it’s a new art form showing people how little we care – tennis court by lorde.

and that is literally what i am doing. if you follow me on any of my various social media platforms, like twitter, tumblr or instagram (shameless plug, as you do), you’ll know that i seldom use capital letters. so then why, for the life of me, do i incessantly use them here? who am i trying to fool? hence the pretense: i put up a facade of punctuation and impeccable grammar (who am i kidding? my grammar is impeccable everywhere) on this blog and then wonder why i keep having blogsistential crises over how inauthentic my blog is. a blog is supposed to be an extension of self, right? so then why, oh why do i change a part of myself for the purpose of this website? i am such a silly little thing.

a silly little thing, indeed, who spends all her life on the internet, reading the words she hasn’t the brains to write and listening to the songs she hasn’t the guts to sing, in between taking multiple self portraits and abusing autocorrect for when her mind supersedes her fingers. i am nothing but the humblest of losers and i don’t deny it in the slightest 🙂

and in my many nights of tumblr ridden stupor, i stumbled upon an interesting truth: i am at peace in my mind. or at least, i am at more peace than i have found in the last nine months or so, and i know for a fact that this peace is divine, because i have spent nine months aching over something i wished no longer to ache over, and the moment i finally resigned my lethargy to God, i became at peace. why? because time, and recent events, have shown me that He never forgets. ever. so i can keep living and all the indiscrepancies that caused traumatic experiences can very well be forgotten. because they are no longer my problem. i no longer have to worry myself over how other people are succeeding when they have caused nothing but pain, because i believe, no, i know that their time is coming. what a lovely peace that brings.

yet, i digress. actually, i don’t. how can one digress when they have no clear path in front of them? all i have is a train of thoughts next to an overzealous platform seeking solace in the carriages with unknown destinations. what a lovely picture.

i prefer my alternative title, actually.

(and i am about to digress again. another reason why i am proud of my heritage is because my country birthed this great woman: chimamanda ngozi adichie. instead of blogging about her myself, read someone else’s here.)

anywho, after a tissue ridden week and a sinutab induced daze, i wish you all a great weekend. and to my lovely Jewish friends, a happy fast and Yom Kippur.

Note: this is probably the most serious-unserious post ever. But whatever. And also, I literally did my make up in 45 seconds. So just. Yeah.

As the self-proclaimed Selfie Queen (a suitable title, seeing as taking selfies is all I do, be it for this blog [I usually take all the photos myself] or for my Instagram or for a new Facebook profile picture), I sometimes get a bit frazzled when I see people take bad selfies. Maybe I am just rather shallow, but if you’re going to put a picture of yourself onto the internet for all the world to see, why would you choose a bad one?

So, for the amateurs or 12 year olds who have just gotten their iPhones and haven’t a clue on how to take advantage of the front camera, this post is for you:

6 Tips On How To Take A Good Selfie

1) Know Your Good Side

Everyone has a preferred or good side, so to speak. Not all of us were blessed with the perfect enough genetics to look good from every single angle. Maybe your left side has a dimple that makes you look good? And for sure, we all have that good eyebrow. Use that to your advantage!

2) It Is Not 2008. Let Go Of The ‘Peace Out A Town’

Who am I to lie? I did this pose throughout my entire prep school career. It was easy, and it allowed me to do something with my hands. Why get rid of a good thing? Well maybe it’s because it’s 2013. It’s time to let it go. Shh, don’t worry. You’ll find a new go-to pose soon.

3) You’re Allowed To Look At The Camera

Most people have gone through an emo/scene phase (don’t you dare lie you know you did too) and in that, we learnt that we must always hide our faces or avoid direct eye contact with the camera, in hopes that people will never look into our eyes, see our soul and realise we’re not as deep and tormented as we think we are. Whatever the case shall be, though, hopefully that phase died in this new decade, which also makes it okay to sometimes, I don’t know, actually look at the camera when someone takes a photo of you. I know. Shock horror. Let it sink in. It’ll be okay.

4) Beware Of Your Arms

Sometimes, holding a camera can be tedious and strenuous on your arms. With a DSLR, I know the struggle. But whilst taking a selfie, always be conscious of your arms. Sometimes they just get in the way and make things awkward.

5) You Don’t Always Have To Pout

Seriously though. There are other things to do with your face. I used to be infamous for having the exact same smile in every single picture ever taken of me, but even that, too, can be a bit overboard. Yes, your smile works for you, but there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Shake it up a little. For example:

6) Good Lighting Is Your Friend
I am an avid believer and advocate for natural lighting. With good lighting, you seldom have to edit your photos because all your blemishes and bags under your eyes seem to be lessened by the lack of flash and the abundance of natural lighting. And always remember the age old photographers motto: The lighting must be behind the camera, not you. It does wonders.

So, that is it from me! Hopefully these ‘tips’ haven’t been completely useless, and if I offended you because you do one/all of these things, ooooops. Another school week up ahead, and hopefully I can blog in between it. Have a blessed week, friends!

a young revelation

The Art Of Selfie Taking

Where to next?